To Spam or not to spaM, that is the.. er.. um.. SPaM!!!

February 8, 2008

Spam, spAm, SPaM. It’s everywhere! Somehow this article got its keywords spammed – didn’t see the keyword spammer and didn’t see he/she/bot spamming. How do we stop spam? Can we stop spam? Would spam software help us stop spam?

Sure, spam keyword security has never been our strong pointSPaM, but. LOOK AT THATSPaM!!! << they’re doing it (SPaM) while I SPaM type. Google is not going to be happy with this keyword spamming – there is no way Google will be happy is we don’t stop spam. These spammers are killing valuable keywords and simply spamming them to spam. We would have had “point” and “that”, but instead we got a double dose of spam i.e. spAm, SPaM. The dirty rotten spammers have killed our keywords. Looks like the last standing keyword is spam. I’ve hated this stuff ever since a Nigerian spammer took my house! How do I tell if this spammer is keyword stuffing? – can I get some sort of spam software to stop spam? I don’t know but somehow I feel like I’m in a world of trouble from Google.

The only consolation I’ll take from this paragraph of keyword slaughter is that whatever spam software was responsible for polluting the previous paragraph, they didn’t load us up too heavily with keywords like spammer, spamming and being spammed. Since it was more or less only the keywords spAm or SPaM, I think we may have got off lightly. They also could have shoved industry specific search engine targeted stuff like stop spam and spam software but they didn’t – at least I didn’t notice it. I guess now, the only option is for me to try to make something out of the rest of the article. Ah, excuse me for a brief moment – I just need a second to reattach the monocle. Ah, right. We’ve got to make something out of this article. I was going to discuss our keyword topic “thatSPaM pointSPaM” (Aaaargh!!!SPaM!!!) WHAT!, this keyword spam software won’t even let me cry out in frustration! Anyhow, I was going to discuss an unmentionable topic that I mentioned earlier, but from a Google perspective there’s no pointSPAM. And now it’s spam from wall to spam. So (flexible individual that I am), the topic of today’s article has (of necessity) shifted subtly to another keyword – spam. I’ll try to cover a few topics:

Spam topics to be covered

1. Is spam worth doing?
2. How to stop spam, and if I get time,
3. spam software.

Do you expect me to believe the last few spam filled paragraphs?

Oh you’re still with us. Superb. We may be old and we may be spammers, but we’re not morons - we know, that you know, that we know, that you know, that we know…. something or other…. What was I saying? Was I spamming? Was I asleep? Oh yes, we know you won’t fall for a paragraph full of tosh and codswallop lightly grilled and sprinkled with spam, but we’re desperately hoping that you fall for a lot of the other spam-like rubbish that we’ve got hidden around this site.

You don’t believe it but your still curious?

Amazing – can’t believe you’re still reading. Since you are I have to assume you’re thinking there’s got to be some reason behind this ridiculous article. There’s got to be a reason for all of this endless repeating of spam, spammers spamming and the like. And there is!

The reason for this spam-filled article

We want to get to #1 on Google for the keyword: spam. I’ll say it again in case you missed that. Number one on Google for the keyword: spam. The use of spammer, spammed and spamming (with the odd spammy) are a simple attempt to write readable tosh, aka the Kings English. Hopefully one day there’ll be a lot more than just this article – we plan an affiliate scheme for spammers like you, but for now nothing. Just this. We’re happy to admit that the first couple of paragraphs are just a spammy bunch of creative writing. (complex sentence which stems from our preemptive orthodoxy thought we’d get in with a bit of an overzealous strike just in case we had one of the arguments that can quickly get out of hand, that… WHAT??? Ever read sentences like that before? Someone or someones out there have jobs writing spam and designing the emails that we love to hate. We’ve had trouble in our attempts to stop spam so now we’ve decided to get aboard and see how things pan out.

Where did this spammer-ish excess of spam come from?

OK, I’m having a fair bit of trouble hanging this all together in a logically planned and easy to read article but I can’t stop now so… Spam, spamming, spammers and being spammed and other nasty keyword practices are at the top of many peoples lists of evil web SEO practices. These four keywords, namely: spam, spammer and spammed and spamming are practices as sometimes used through a process of keyword stuffing (with spam). I can assure our readers that any such stuffing with spam that they have detected is simply a side effect of our motivation and desire to get to the top of Google for the keyword spam. It won’t be easy. It’s not as if spam is an unusual keyword. The internet is filled with spam. Spammers are filling our inboxes with spam. Google regards dodgy practices designed to manipulate search engine results as spam and the act of doing so as spamming (by spammers). So much so, that Google has a specific spam reporting page to allow other web users to report spam-like practices masquerading as SEO. In fact, Google appears to argue that many practices performed by SEO’s, particularly the so-called “black hats” are actually spam. So strangely, while we are filling this page with spam and other keywords like spammer, spamming and spammed, we don’t believe that we are actually spamming Google. Not sure if irony is the right word, but we are not spamming Google with the keyword ’spam’.

If we do get to the top of Google for the keyword spam it will not have been due to spamming, but rather we have deconstructed all of the advice Google has given on their Webmaster Guidelines and attempted to break this down into neat Do’s and Don’t which we’ve used for this spam based website.

But even avoiding spam at all costs, and following Google’s advice may not be enough. In order to succeed with this spam venture we will need to succeed. Let me try from another angle - we believe this to be the most narcissistic spam based web site. The success of our site is dependent on the success of our site. If we don’t get ourselves near the top of Google for the keyword spam you probably won’t find spAm-SPaM.con. You’ll only read this article about our attempts to succeed in the spAm-SPaM venture if we succeed. There’s a lot of spam our there - a lot of SEO talk and a lot of talk about spam software and how to stop spam - and if we succeed, you’ll be reading this article about our attempts to succeed. At least that’s how we understand it.

So why won’t you spammers spam google?

As I write this, it’s as little as two weeks ago that we were spammers. [Stop to comb hair disheveled by a huge collective inhalation.] Yes its true, we were spammers. Dirty rotten, heartless, gutless, spineless spam senders!

OK, ease off. We know it’s bad, but we don’t need that much tutting – after all, it’s only spam! We didn’t send you an email about Vi*gra. We didn’t offer you 90% of the late King Watutu’s fortune in exchange for your bank account details. We just tried to spam Google.

(No tutting?? Complete silence? - Oh, I see, you’re all doing it!!!).

Of course, in the past, the not too distant past, we may have tried a bit of spammy practice – not so much “black hat” as the sort of lovely grey felt bowler you’d wear to the races. And the abject failure of a thorough spamming of keywords in the URL and throughout or site, is the reason for this little lighthearted attempt to get noticed by Google.

Have a look at the screen shot below.

Can you see my site – the purple one - the one we and only we visited. I used to work with a lot of fleas in my circus days. I was ringmaster - believe me, ringmaster in a flea circus is some pretty cramped working conditions. And fleas are sods. Always fighting over contracts. Never happy. Jumpy and excitable. Fleas are one of the most heavily unionized of… But I digress. Anyhow, knowing fleas and now their enemy, I decided to make a web site dedicated to their destruction: Flea-Treatment-Control.com.

Have you ever seen a URL like that before? Have you registered one yourself? Did you think that spamming Google with the hyphenated, keyword heavy, URL spam technique would get you pretty much to #1 in about say, 45 minutes With no work. And no content. And no SEO. Spam was to be the easy way to succeed on the web. How did you go?

When I first thought of the idea of flea-treatment-control.com (about 5 weeks ago) I couldn’t believe such as spammy domain hadn’t already been snapped up. With my spam search term filled URL, I’d go straight to the top of Google and AdSense riches would be mine. Well, I’m still waiting. Current earnings after 60 odd days of live site is $1.50. And now I actually happy with that. I feel a bit like poor old Nazia Banoo who like me was not having the success he was expecting. My spam filled site is being subjected to the same cash flow limitations.
I thought this URL had it all - not excessively competitive keywords, keyword spam jamming the URL, the mandatory multiple hyphens, essential for a spam-filled URL. And plenty of usage of keywords like fleas and treatment. Nobody came.

The experience of the last five weeks has also started making me fairly paranoid – although some of the snuff I’ve been getting recently, has been making me feel a little odd. It’s been a little more expensive too. Sure makes me feel odd. Happy, but odd. Anywho, a few minutes after recording this screen shot - I couldn’t resist, but perform yet another search for ‘flea treatment’ and alas, I’d moved to page 61, at position 603. It seemed as if Google was penalizing me for excessive searches for my spam keywords about Google.

So what’s our spam idea?

Glad you asked. It seems that spam is to Google as bacon is to kosher and Japanese whaling is to science. Google’s aim is to stop spam in its indexes. The aim of spam software companies is to stop spam in their users inboxes. For Google it’s ‘don’t even go there’ territory. Google hates spam and is dedicated to the removal of spam from their indexes. They tweak their algorithms to detect spam in as many forms as spammers have tried to invent. For those spammers who get past the algorithms they ask other web users to report spam-filled web sites that are attempting to spam the Google search results.

The spam idea, please!

So here’s the spam idea. We want to get to the top of Google for keyword ’spam’ (i.e. spam Google) by not spamming Google with any of the naughty practices that the ‘black hats’ SEO masters use. We will aim to get to the top of Google for keyword ’spam’ by being the very whitest of white hat SEO. We will follow the Google Webmaster Guidelines to the letter in our attempt to achieve this.

Are we serious in our attempt to ‘spam’ Google?

To be honest we are only a bit serious in our attempt to spam Google.
Perhaps our proposed timelines will give things away just a little bit:

1. spam-spam.com registered – New Years Day 2008
2. This article posted by Valentines Day 2008
3. Top 20 for keyword ‘spam‘ – April Fools Day 2008
4. #1 on Google.com for keyword ‘spam‘ – April Fools Day 2009

The use of the April Fools Day as a milestone is a tribute to the wonderful SpamGoogle website which was created by Philipp Lenssen for April Fools Day 2002.

But just because this is mainly a joke, doesn’t mean that we won’t try to give the job of spamming Google our best shot. If you like what we are trying to do and believe in the Google Web master guidelines you could be a really big help and link to us. We need your links to this spam-filled article. You can find advice about linking to us here. You could go one step further and become a spam-spam.com affiliate. We have not determined whether we will stop spam-spam.com when April Fools Day 2009 arrives.

Is it worth (not) spamming Google to get to #1 for keyword ’spam’?

We believe so. Google actually provides all of the information that you need when planning a spammy web site such as spAm-SPaM.com. For many web master Google’s AdSense program is a major earner and a simple way to monetize a site. Sites who’s only purpose is to exist in order to capture traffic and provide a click-through service to other web sites is called a Made-For-AdSense (MFA) site.

In order to work out whether you chosen keyword, in our case spam and it’s partners like spamming and spammer, but particularly, as I mentioned, spam is a useful keyword for AdSense is to pretend that you are actually an advertiser and go to the AdWords site and enter your chosen keyword. The aim of this process is to make you feel like an advertising genius and a major media player so, we’d suggest that when working out what a potential average ‘click’ could be worth, that you need be very, very positive and assume that an advertiser is willing to pay up to $US 100 per click (I’ve gone with the peso because I’m more familiar with it $US1 = 3.1 pesos) – wouldn’t you be willing to pay this much? So do that and then hit the Re-calculate button. This should give you a good idea of whether your keyword, such as spam, is actually worth targeting. This is a great service that Google provides and helps MFA sites such as spAm-SPaM.com, confirm keywords to target. If you look in the screen shot below which was taken on 9 February, 2008, I think that you’d agree that keyword ‘spam‘ is worth a shot. (Whether anyone is likely to put a maximum click through at a maximum of $100 per pop is debatable, but I think you’ll agree that it certainly gives you a nice warm feeling thinking that you may have a chance of earning some of that money.

Of course, you are not likely to get all of the money – Google wouldn’t cost as much per share if you were to, but even if you get about 30% of the cost per click, it’s still a useful way of comparing keywords for potential keyword revenue. It’s for this reason that we decided to stop spam production and instead become a white hat SEO and spam Google by not spamming Google with keyword, spam.

Is spam-spam.com a MFA site?

No, spam-spam.com is not a MFA site for keyword ’spam’ even though we are both spammy and liberally use the word spam and are part of the AdSense program. Spam-spam is a blog dedicated to SEO spam and is full of wonderful content related to the keyword, spam. If it were we would feel like ensuring that we stop spam-spam.com from operating. Actually just now, I’m feeling somewhat offended that you would point the old MFA finger at this article – is your site any better. Are your aims any higher than making a bit of cash for very little work? I thought as much.

Do you have other tips for spamming Google?

The other great thing, if you are planning on spamming Google – (but only if you are a white hat) is to perform a Google search for your main keyword. In this case we did that for keyword ’spam’. You’ll see in the image below that Google.com very helpfully came up with Searches related to: spam – we assume that these are real searches that real people have commonly used in the past. This tells us three things:

1. Spam is a major keyword on Google.com
2. It would be very wise to make sure that we have incorporated some of the common searches directly in a document.
3. helpfully, two of the common searches are also potentially valuable AdWords clicks

Have a look at Google’s advice in the shot below

We’ve selected the following related searches “stop spam” and “spam software” which have now become part of the content of this document. We know people are looking for these spam related topics, so we would be mad not to ensure that they can be found liberally throughout this document.

The reason that we particularly like spam software as a phrase which we have embedded in our document is that, (at least from my perspective here in Buenos aires)…Oh excuse me for just a second – I’ve been meaning to take a pinch of snuff for a while and… anyhow, I was saying the reason we like spam software is that 3 sponsored links come up for soft ware at the top of Google search. While I have no confirmation, I’m betting that Sponsored links at the top of the page are paying more for phrases like stop spam and spam software than those on the right side bar. Have a look at what I mean in the image below - are your keywords generating these Sponsored Links in the Google search results?

Is this spam article ‘fit for purpose’?

In the end Google will be the judge of that. The purpose of this article is to provide spam filled content. The article is 3269 words long. It was not written by a machine, it was not copied from another website - therefore I feel it counts as CONTENT. I went for a longish article because I thought if Google had to chomp through one huge post their algorithms may rate it as more important than the sort of article that you could dash off while combing your mustache.

Here are the statistics:

• Total article word count is 3269 words.
• The word spam appears 161 times
• The spam related words like spammer, spamming, spammed occur 62 times.
• The sum total of all spam related words is 223

Therefore the total keyword density for spam in this article is 6.83%. I’ve read here and there that 6% is optimal but you should really stuff them in the top of the article.

In this article the same stats for the first 300 words are as follows:

• The word spam appears 26 times
• The spam related words like spammer, spamming, spammed occur 12 times.
• The sum total of all spam related words is 42

Spam keyword density for the first 300 words is 14%

The “related” search terms (thanks Google!) that I planted in here occur the following times:

• ’stop spam’ = 14
• ’spam software’ = 13

Is there any thing else you’ll be saying about spam?

Not about spam but about the one other keyword that peppers this article. Actually, I don’t think it’s a very valuable keyword (yes, I checked) but it’s a keyword nonetheless. But I’ll let you work it out.

Any final spams?

No.

Have a stonker!

Jolly Shonker.

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